How To Best Advocate For Your Special Needs Child

Joanne Burke-Sherman • September 2, 2021

Way To Improve Your Negotiations

If you are a parent of a special needs child, you are probably a strong advocate for your child. Yes, we are all advocates for all of your kids - no matter what their talents and skills are. If you have a special needs child, however, you probably spend a lot more time at the schools in meetings; writing emails; fighting for their rights; researching services, testing and ways to help them any way you can. What is best for them? A public school? A private school? A vocational school? A special needs school?


As a mom who has fought for her son for many years, I know I have not always done things perfectly; but I was always trying to do my best to find what is best for my son. And I bet you are the same!!


So, what are some of the things to consider when you are negotiating and fighting for your special needs child? Here are some ideas…..

1. Be Respectful In Your Meetings. 

We have to remember that teachers and staff are people too.  While we will always run across people that do their jobs better than others, it is always best to start with the premise that people are doing their best.
 


I have heard stories from some special needs teachers and staff that parents come in swearing, yelling and going a bit crazy; however, this behavior is often counter-productive to what you are trying to accomplish.  If you want a school to accommodate your child’s needs, start off by showing some respect to the special needs teachers who are supporting him or her.
 


So, speak civilly.  Negotiate without yelling.

2. Do Your Research!
No matter what you are negotiating, it is always best to have your facts straight. You can speak firmly and not have to yell when you are backed by information. Knowledge is power as they say; and facts and figures and research can be powerful. Also, as you are doing your research, know what you are trying to prove or what you hope to gain from the meeting, call or email. If you don’t, then sometimes a lot of data does not serve you well. Stay focused on your goal.
 
You don’t have to know everything, but you will have more meaningful discussions when you know what you are taking about.

3. Work On Positivity 

What are your child’s teachers doing well?  What do you like about them?  What does your child like about them?  My mother always used to say “if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”  Well, this advice can serve you well when trying to make positive changes for your child.

People tend to respond more positively to you when you recognize what they are doing well.  Tell them.  Say it out loud.  And say it in the beginning.  It will set a good tone for the meeting.  I know.  I know.  This may be easier to do with some people and not so easy with others.  But there is always something you can find.  Maybe you just like the decorations in their classroom or the fact that the teacher is kind to your child.  You can figure out something to say.

4.  Know The Team
As you get to know the team better and better, you may start to feel close to them personally. I am not saying that you cannot be friends with the team; however, don’t get so close that it clouds your judgment or that you do not push hard for results and solutions for your special needs child. In the end, I have found that the team’s obligation and loyalty is to the school. Remember, there are budgets and lots of other students to accommodate. So, sending your child to a top notch special needs school or program may not be top of mind to them; but it may be just what you need to fight for.
 
Also, I have had members of the team to my house before. I thought that maybe it would be helpful to observe my son in the home environment. I learned pretty quickly that oversharing with the team can be held against you and your goal. So, know who you are dealing with; and even if you think you know, you may not want to overshare. Provide enough information to get the services or result that you want, without giving them too much info.
 
Special needs are just that - they are special and personal to your child. No two people are alike. So, as you search for that special needs school or vocational school or service, provide what the team needs to know and then you can make the decision about whether the resolution suffices.

5. Help When You Can 

When my kids were in elementary school, I volunteered my time as much as I could.  As they got older and into middle school, the schools wanted you a bit less; and by the time they got to high school, they basically never asked parents to come in.  That said, you can always ask the teachers and staff how you can help.  Maybe they would like a an extra set of eyes on certain days.  Maybe they do want help for a field trip.  Or maybe they could just use some extra supplies. Remember, as they say, “no act of kindness, no matter how small. Is ever wasted.”
 


When you help people, they are more inclined to want to help you.  No, this is not bribery.  Don’t help because you are expecting something in return.  Help just because it is the right and nice thing to do.  That said, it never hurts to be kind in advance of any negotiation.

So.......

Whether you are just looking for a little extra time in occupational therapy for your child, or you are looking for a special needs vocational school/program, or you are looking for a private school or high-end service, know what you want to accomplish. Then, do you research, be positive, and be kind. And remember, in the end, say "Thank You."

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